Reflections on Connection-Centered Leadership - Issue No. 12: Notes on Leading and Living Differently

Pictured: Melissa Swonger & Erica Elliott; iHeart Music Awards Red Carpet; Los Angles, CA 2026

Last week, I wrote about how the summit doesn’t change you. It reveals you. This week, I saw something else being revealed: in a room that helps shape culture at scale.

At the iHeartRadio Music Awards, you expect energy, visibility, and performance. And all of that was there. But underneath it, something quieter was happening. Something that felt like a shift.

Several of the biggest names stood on stage and openly, unapologetically, and authentically thanked God. And then there was Ludacris, who redirected attention to the people no one sees. The assistants.The production teams.The ones behind the scenes who make everything work.

And as I watched that, I realized that this wasn’t random. It was a picture of something deeper. Because in those two moments, you can see three dimensions of connection at work:

Vertical. Inward. Outward.

Acknowledging God for where they are is recognizing the vertical connection that conveys we are a part of something greater than ourselves. When someone shows up authentically, grounded in who they are rather than performing who they think they should be, that is inward connection. Being able to stand with others, sit next to people who didn’t remain strangers for long, and truly connect is an expression grounded in vertical and inward connection. The overflow of that moves into outward connection with others. This is further enhanced when someone honors the unseen—those who contribute without recognition.

What struck me is that influence in that room didn’t seem to come from performance alone. It came from alignment across all three.

And that’s the shift.

For a long time, influence has been built on visibility, polish, and the ability to command attention. But what I saw points to something more integrated emerging. People are no longer just responding to what is said. They are responding to what is felt. And what is felt is shaped by connection.

When vertical connection is present, there is humility.When inward connection is present, authenticity follows.When outward connection is present, there is honor. And when those three align, something changes. People lean in. Not because they are impressed, but because they trust what they are experiencing. This is true on a stage. It is true in leadership. It is true in everyday conversations.

Because influence is not sustained by performance. It is sustained by alignment. This alignment reflects the congruency between what you believe, who you are, and how you relate to others. And that alignment cannot exist without connection: Vertical, Inward, and Outward. Miss one, and something feels off, inauthentic.

You can be seen… and still not be trusted.You can sound confident… and still not be grounded.You can make an impact… that doesn’t sustain. But when all three are aligned, there is a different kind of authority, one that isn’t asserted, but rather experienced. One that doesn’t need to force itself into a room. It is felt the moment you walk in.

Which brings me to the question I am carrying this week:

Where might one dimension of connection be missing in how you are showing up?

How grounded am I in God, and is it reflected in my leadership?Am I performing or expressing alignment? Is there acknowledgment of others when I speak?

And what might shift with intentionality about all three?

Because culture is not just shaped by what is loud. It is shaped by what is aligned. And right now, it seems to be moving toward something more whole. The world is desperate for connection, beginning with us.

More grounded. More connected.

— Melissa, Architect of Connection-Centered Leadership The Sage Hill Project

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