Reflections on Connection Centered Leadership: Issue No. 29: Curiosity as a Lifestyle
- mswonger
- Jul 29
- 4 min read
For most of human history, knowledge was scarce.
If you wanted wisdom, you sought out a teacher. If you wanted an answer, you searched for someone who had spent years earning it. Information was valuable because it was difficult to access.
Today, answers are everywhere.
Within seconds, we can ask a search engine or AI almost anything and receive a response that would have taken hours, days, or even years to uncover not long ago. I've found myself wondering if we've quietly misplaced something in the process. Not our answers. Our questions.
The longer I study leadership, psychology, faith, and human behavior, the less convinced I become that transformation belongs to the people with the best answers. More often, it belongs to the people willing to ask the question everyone else has overlooked or lacked the courage to explore. Questions invite reflection. They create space where certainty often closes the door.
As a psychologist, I've watched a single question unlock years of stuck thinking. As a researcher, I've learned that the most meaningful discoveries rarely begin with proving what we already believe. They begin with curiosity. As a leader, I've seen teams move forward not because someone had the perfect solution, but because they were willing to wrestle through internal and external conflict until they gained something more valuable than knowledge: the unity to move forward together.
Even in Scripture, Jesus often responded to a question with another question. Not because He lacked an answer. Because questions reveal the heart before answers reach the mind.
People occasionally ask why I ask so many questions. We resist feeling interrogated, but I might suggest we spend more time interviewing ourselves and others with whom we're in a relationship, in a spirit of curiosity. Our minds pause over impactful questions we're asked. Powerful questions expand our minds, prompting us to consider more than the pat answers to all we think we know.
I've rarely watched lasting change happen because someone delivered the perfect explanation. I've watched lives change because someone felt understood enough to discover the answer for themselves.
Curiosity is one of the few things that allows us to hold conviction and humility at the same time. We don't have to abandon our convictions to remain open to understanding another person more fully.
Questions are an act of connection.
They communicate something profoundly different than an immediate answer. They say, I want to understand before I assume. I care more about your perspective than proving my own.
That posture changes conversations. It changes relationships. It changes cultures.
I don't typically use this space for announcements, but occasionally something comes along that feels less like news and more like the next chapter of the conversation. This is one of those moments. My belief in the power of questions has led to a new chapter in my own work. I'm honored to share that I have recently become a Publishing Partner with She Rises Studios. If you've sensed for a while that you have a book in you but haven't known where to begin, I'd love to help you explore what that might become. It's a role that complements the work I've already been doing as an independent author coach, helping writers discover not only what they want to say, but why it matters and who they're uniquely called to reach.
One of my favorite parts of author coaching is helping people discover the kind of writer they were created to become. Long before we talk about chapters or publishing timelines, we explore identity, purpose, and message. I use what I call the Writer's ArchetypesTM to help authors recognize the unique way they're wired to contribute. Some are Experts who teach. Some are Thought Leaders who challenge assumptions. Some are Storytellers who preserve wisdom through experience. Others are Changemakers who write because they believe ideas can transform lives.
At first glance, publishing may seem like a departure from psychology, leadership, and coaching. To me, it feels like the natural continuation of everything I've been doing for years. Part of being an author is learning to tell your story in ways that are authentic and beneficial. Finding your voice and learning to communicate your message with clarity is one of the most meaningful journeys an author can take. Everyone has a story. Not every story becomes a book, but every meaningful book begins with someone willing to believe their story might matter to someone else.
People often think writing a book begins with a manuscript. I don't think it does. I think it begins with a question.
What story has shaped you?
What insight have you gained?
What have you learned that someone else needs?
What message refuses to leave you alone?
Those questions uncover far more than a table of contents. They reveal purpose.
This week, I've found myself wondering what might change if curiosity were less a technique and more a lifestyle. We live in an age overflowing with answers. Perhaps what we need most are people willing to keep asking thoughtful questions.
Sometimes the most powerful question you'll ever ask becomes the first sentence of the story you were meant to tell.
Questions I'm Living With
Where have I become more interested in being right than remaining curious?
Who have I stopped trying to understand because I've convinced myself I already know their story?
What question am I avoiding because I'm afraid of where it might lead?
Where is God inviting me to listen more carefully before I speak?
What story has been quietly growing inside me that may be ready to become something others need?
~ Melissa, Architect of Connection-Centered Leadership
Founder, The Sage Hill Project
Co-Founder, Mind Shifts Lab
Publishing Partner, She Rises Studios
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