Reflections on Connection-Centered Leadership

Issue No. 5 - When Expansion Feels Like Exposure

I leave for Vegas soon to speak at an Empower Her Conference and to launch my first solo book. I would be lying if I said my emotions weren’t running high. Not chaotic. Not unstable. Just my nervous system activated. Because expansion feels like exposure.

I am being stretched. My visibility is increasing, and a calling that once felt internal has become concrete. What was once private is becoming public, and my nervous system is on notice. You know the feeling when your heart rate shifts, sleep changes, old narratives whisper, and insecurities surface. You feel more—new feelings, old feelings resurfacing. Not because you are unprepared, but because expansion increases visibility. At first, expansion always feels like exposure.

There are three things I am remembering as I lead myself through this stretch.

1. Expansion Activates the Nervous System

When we step into something bigger, our body does not immediately celebrate. It evaluates. Is this safe? Is this too much? What if I fail? Or what if I succeed? Your nervous system does not know the difference between threat and calling; it only knows that something is stretching uncomfortably.

Leading myself well right now means regulating before reacting. I am breathing deeply, grounding physically, and naming what I am feeling without letting it narrate my identity. Activation of the nervous system is not failure. It is capacity being built.

Through the arc of my own transformation, I first had to learn to lead myself well. My brain was rewired for protection instead of connection. Even though I have done the work, and even though I know I am walking in the path God has laid for me, the neural routes forged through trauma still exist. The difference this time is that I have a choice, tools, and a system to help me navigate.

2. Exposure Reveals What Still Needs Integration

Visibility is clarifying. It shines light on the places that still feel tender: body image, imposter syndrome, the desire to shrink, the temptation to overperform, the pressure to be composed. Expansion does not just grow your platform; it reveals your unfinished work. That is the thing about stepping out in faith. If we wait until we have it all together or all figured out, we will never move.

Feeling exposed does not mean I am not ready. It means I am still becoming. That is not regression. It is refinement. This is what I wrote about in Whom He Raised—not just survival, but integration; not just endurance, but embodiment. And now I am living it again in real time.

3. High Emotion Signals Meaning

Joy and fear can coexist. Gratitude and vulnerability can coexist. Confidence and humility can coexist. When something matters deeply, you feel it deeply. If this did not matter, it would not move me.

The release of this book is not just a professional milestone. It is personal. It is sacred. It carries years of breaking, rebuilding, and rising. Of course, my emotions are present. That is not weakness. That is the weight of the moment and the ones that led here.

And here is the part I do not want to leave out. I am not alone. In the middle of preparation and pressure, I keep returning to a quiet prayer: God, keep me grounded in who You say I am. Not in applause, not in outcomes, not in numbers, not in perception. Just grounded in who You are. I do not have to have it all figured out, or even look like I do. Give me Your peace that passes understanding.

There is something steadying about remembering that visibility does not define me. Calling does not originate with me. Success does not sustain me. Heck, this moment isn't even about me.

When I feel the stretch, I return to stillness. When I feel exposure, I return to truth. When my emotions rise, I let them pass through instead of driving the train. This is what leading myself well looks like. Anxiety may still come, but I will walk in courage, not my own, to do it anyway. Perhaps it is not about conquering fear, but walking through it anchored rather than making excuses for why I cannot.

I am not arriving in Vegas as someone who has mastered expansion. I am arriving as someone doing my best to steward it.

After trauma, survival is only the beginning. And if you are stepping into something that stretches you, something that exposes old fears while inviting new growth, maybe this is your reminder: activation of your nervous system does not mean you are unqualified.

Exposure does not mean you are unready. High emotion does not mean you are unstable. It may simply mean you are rising, and capacity is being built in real time.

And here I am, learning again, how to rise.

-- Melissa Architect of Connection-Centered Leadership, The Sage Hill Project 

Let's Celebrate: We invite YOU to share who is radically kind in your area. These are little actions that consistently create space for others with dignity, restraint, and patience. It can also be profound moments when someone walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Any way that you have observed someone else being radically kind, share it via email, DM, or "Get in Touch!" on our website, and we will recognize them on the wall. Texts (quotes when applicable; shortened when necessary) or pictures that are sent will be on "Laura's Page." We're building a different kind of Wall of Fame, one for the world changers. https://www.thesagehillproject.com/about-3