Reflections on Connection-Centered Leadership - Issue No. 2: When Pressure Stops Working
- mswonger
- Feb 6
- 2 min read
After the first issue went out, many of you named the same tension—what happens when effort is high, intention is sincere, and yet change still feels stalled.
You said some version of this:
“I’ve been trying so hard.” “I’m doing everything I know how to do.” “Why does it still feel like nothing is shifting?”
That question matters — not because it means something is wrong with you, but because it reveals something important about how change actually works.
Most of us were taught that when progress stalls, the answer is more pressure. More discipline. More resolve. More urgency.
But pressure only works for a while, akin to "white-knuckling it," praying the other shoe doesn't drop.
Eventually, it stops producing movement and starts producing contraction.
What I see — again and again — is that people don’t stop changing because they don’t care. They stop changing because their nervous systems are exhausted from being pushed without being held.
Pressure can produce compliance. It cannot produce integration. Fear-based and pressure-based change is temporary, not transformational.
And integration is what lasting transformation requires.
This is why so many capable, committed people feel stuck not at the beginning of change — but after they’ve already done so much work.
They’ve learned. They’ve tried. They’ve grown.
But they’re still relating to themselves as something to be managed instead of something to be listened to.
Connection-centered leadership — whether applied to ourselves, our families, or our organizations — begins here: with the recognition that safety is not a reward for progress. It is the condition that makes progress possible.
When safety is present:
truth surfaces without force
resistance softens instead of hardening
movement becomes cooperative instead of coerced
This is as true in teams as it is in bodies. As true in faith as it is in leadership. As true in culture as it is in personal healing.
If there’s an invitation in all of this, it’s a quiet one.
This week, notice:
where you’re applying pressure because you don’t trust timing
where urgency has replaced curiosity
where kindness toward yourself or others feels “inefficient”
And then notice what happens when you pause long enough to listen instead of push.
That pause is not avoidance. It’s orientation.
It’s how environments — internal and external — become capable of supporting real change.
—
Let’s continue building a different kind of wall.
Many of you have already shared stories of radical kindness since the last issue. They’ve been small. They’ve been profound. They’ve been deeply human.
If you notice someone creating space for others with dignity, restraint, or patience — in quiet ways or courageous ones — we’d love to hear about it.
You can share those stories by replying to this email, sending a DM, or using “Get in Touch!” on our website. With permission, we’ll continue honoring these moments on Laura’s Page — a growing Wall of Fame for the people who change the world by how they show up.
We’re not collecting highlights. We’re naming patterns worth repeating.
Until next time,
— Melissa, Architect of Connection-Centered Leadership, The Sage Hill Project
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